When couples sit down in my office, the most common things I hear sound like this: “We can’t talk without fighting.” "We talk and nothing changes.” “We don’t know how to talk without hurting each other.” At the heart is one core struggle: ineffective communication — not because the couple doesn’t care or know how but because of learned patterns that are destroying their relationship. Behind most perpetual arguments is one (or more) of what Dr. John Gottman calls “The Four Ho

As a therapist, I’ve seen how much energy people spend trying to control anxiety. They breathe deeply, avoid triggers, and repeat positive thoughts — yet the more they try to calm down, the worse it feels. It’s not because they’re doing something wrong. Their minds are simply doing what they were designed to do — protect them. But in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) — the approach I use in counseling at Vineyard Counseling — we look at anxiety differently. We don’t tre

As a therapist, I’ve seen how much damage words can do. Sometimes the wounds my clients carry aren’t from physical pain or traumatic events, but from sentences  — spoken years ago and never forgotten. A single comment from a parent, a cutting remark from a friend, a careless word from a pastor or spouse — these fragments of speech can live inside us for decades, shaping how we see ourselves and others. Words leave fingerprints on the soul. They can either help us heal or hold